I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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