Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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