Heybabeimwearingurpanties
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
