He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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