I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
