how can u be prego again
fuck your aforementioned shoe
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
