Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I skipped work to stalk him.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
