I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
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