He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
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