i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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