Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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