He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
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