Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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