TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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