If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Randomize
