capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
