apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Shame is for Republicans.
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