just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
