Define "chronic" masturbator.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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