I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
