I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Yo dont text me then not text me
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
