I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
