Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I'm having to shit out rocks
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