i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
