Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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