i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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