She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
