all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
