he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
