how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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