I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
