Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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