All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
