Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Sext me about skeletons
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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