imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
