It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
