I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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