i barfeds in our rink
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
