Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Randomize
