What did we do last night that was yellow?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
