Your tits are I can't wait for
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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