my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
