I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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