I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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