just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
