it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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