Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
