Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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