peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
