That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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