She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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