a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
